Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
