Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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