Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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