he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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