I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
