evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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