While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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