I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
