I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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