is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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