how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
