I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
