I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
