I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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