4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
