Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
