i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
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