mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
whose ass print is on the piano?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
