its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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