i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
