There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
