Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
