Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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