some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
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