just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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