chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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