are you still at the devil's house?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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