He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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