so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
