I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The struggles of a small town man whore
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
