Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it because I queefed?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
