GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
