I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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