he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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