i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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