oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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