Screwed.edu
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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