oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
