this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
