I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
