if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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