I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
