i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
