sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
