Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
