Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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