Can i not drive my cunt home
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
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I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
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If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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