Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
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Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
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I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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