my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
