This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
