Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
