i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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