How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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