i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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