I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
