I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
