I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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