It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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