Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize