When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
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his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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