his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
