Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Are we still banned from the library?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
