do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
