If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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