That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize