I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
