Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
