I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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