I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
