I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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