He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
