is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
