checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
