that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
