and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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