apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
