dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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