saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
