But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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