I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
