I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
